Who the heck are you? Baggage vs. Luggage

My journey and story as an entrepreneur always leads me to share this: I never was taught about finance, business, or street smarts in high school or college. I learned about all of these things by doing. I learned by failing and learning from my mistakes. I also learned from watching and hearing about other’s mistakes. I constantly seek advice from entrepreneurs, other speakers, coaches, and business thought leaders. As I seek knowledge and share mine with others, one of the things that is very evident is that culture, school, relationships, and the world’s environment in general never asks one to DEFINE THEMSELVES. When was the last time, if ever, that somebody said, ‘Hi, I’m Matt. I am a leader, encourager, inspirer, warrior and a visionary. I value fight, faith, family, giving, gratitude, action, accountability, love, service, and excellence. Who are you and what do you stand for? Defining yourself gives you and the world clarity and certainty as to who you are.

What? Is this person insane? Define yourself. Imagine if every time you met someone in business or in life, they could boldly proclaim who they are and what they stand for. What difference would it make? How much simpler and more effective would business be? The reality is that this concept is not common to teach, learn, or demand in culture.

The one thing I usually notice in entrepreneurs that have the most impact is that they have a clear knowledge of who they are (Define themselves) and what they stand for (Values). “That all sounds great, Matt, but I’ve never been asked to do this before, so tell me how the hell do I even begin?” That is the motivation for this week’s blog. Check read last week’s blog “Do Your Be: Six Steps to Intentional Impact” to get caught up.

Before I get into the exercise I love to use to help individuals define themselves, let me first explain what defining yourself is not. This is not stating a role or responsibility you have (I am a father, I am an entrepreneur, I am a wife). Defining yourself is not what the world, culture, your family of origin, friends, or peers think you should be. Defining yourself must never be done with dis-empowering, unclear, and uncertain language. Defining yourself is not stating what you are doing, or how you are getting it done. Defining yourself is declaring with 100% absolute certainty who you are. What value do you bring to the world? What naturally flows out of your DNA? What gifts has God blessed you with? What innate skills, abilities, and superpowers do you have that make you, you? Defining yourself is a journey. It can not be done overnight. It is also a moving target. How I may have defined myself using the Circle of Impact coaching model in my 20s, is most likely different in some areas then it is now in my 30s, and I am sure it will change in my 40s.

We have life experiences as people. As we go through life, we mark down memorable and impactful points, experiences, and events. We link a negative or positive mood and energy with the experience when we do this. We also shape our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about specific things depending on our experiences and how we choose to react to and perceive them. We define ourselves by how we live our lives. All of my coaching clients go through the “Suitcase Dump” practice with me. Effectively, it is unpacking your suitcase of life events, judging whether it is baggage or luggage, deciding whether it is nice baggage or luggage, selecting what you will do with it, and then repacking your suitcase. (I must appreciate and credit Graham Cooke for introducing me to the concept of baggage vs. luggage.)

Baggage usually has a negative connotation with it. You may hear somebody say, “Wow! That girl has some baggage”. Think of baggage as someone else packing a suitcase for YOU to take on a trip. Let’s call this trip a vacation! Life should be a fun, exciting, challenging, and empowering journey. Now imagine that you get to your beach destination, dump your suitcase on the bed, and realize that other person packed you snow boots, snow pants, and a big thick hoodie. How not cool is that? Baggage can also be a positive thing. The one thing to remember is baggage is something that somebody places on you. Example, did your friends at school growing up always tell you that you were not fast enough to play varsity football? What did you do with that information, experience and data point? Did you decide to pack it in your suitcase or not? A piece of good baggage may be this. Your father, who is a dentist, “encouraged”, “pushed” and “influenced you to become a dentist. You are a successful dentist with a thriving practice, yet you have taken something up that somebody else pushed, influenced or gave to you.

Luggage is what you’ve put on yourself, told yourself, and given to yourself in preparation for the journey. Luggage that you pack, own, and bring with you on your journey. Luggage can be both positive and negative. Did you tell yourself that you were never fast enough for varsity football in the cases above? Did you pack that nasty notion, energy, or concept in your suitcase? Again, using the same scenario, have you always wanted to be a dentist and have worked hard to achieve your goal?

Your suitcase is packed so full of life experiences, good and bad baggage, good and bad luggage, that it is necessary to unpack it all to take inventory of what is there. I am not here to say what you should refill your suitcase with, but I will say that unpacking, inventorying, and deciding what items to repack your bag and go on your journey with is what is most important. Should you keep some baggage? Should you throw away some luggage? What percentage of your bag should consist of the two?

You gain the power to choose what to keep, what to throw away, and what you might just want to leave alone and put off for the time being when you take the time to step back from your experiences, unpack your luggage, and look at it from a different perspective. You ought to be able to get up after completing this exercise and confidently state what is in your bag, what it means to you, and who you are.

I encourage you to do this exercise. If you have any questions, please let me know. This is what I do day in and day out with entrepreneurs, CEO’s, executives and leadership teams. If you would like me to come out to help you with this one-on-one, fill out the request form on my coaching page.

I would also love your comments and feedback about the baggage vs. luggage concept and the suitcase dump.

Tune in next week, when I will share tips and an exercise to declare what you stand for.

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