Consider the most embarrassing experience you’ve ever had. I’m referring to having a crimson face and not knowing whether to laugh, cry, flee, hide, or never again show your face because you’re ashamed. Imagine that same situation happening to you while you are in a foreign nation with a completely different culture, language, and surroundings. I had an unpleasant experience as a 20-year-old college student studying abroad in Spain. Even now, 13 years later, when I tell this story, I still feel humiliated. I share it for two reasons: first, it’s hilarious (if you don’t laugh, see a doctor to have your sense of humor tested), and second, it imparts a valuable lesson on life, love, and leadership.

Sit back grab some popcorn and a refreshment and get ready to read.  You may want to make sure you are not eating ice cream while you read this one.

It was a hot April day in Alcalá de Henares Spain.  I was wrapping up the end of a close to five month journey and study abroad trip to this beautiful country.  My weekends were spent traveling all over the amazing country of Spain to destinations like Barcelona, Seville, Malaga, Valencia, Segovia, Salamanca, Toledo, Granada and Cordoba.  While in Spain, I fell in love with the country, it’s people, their culture, history and all around lifestyle.

Oh yeah, and I am addicted to their coffee.

I went into a McDonald’s on this steamy April day to get a quick, inexpensive, and cool ice cream cone. Let me give you a quick lesson in Spanish if you don’t already know it. English lacks a few letters that are present in Spanish. The “ñ” is one of them. This letter alters the way the word sounds when it is spoken. Spain is spelt España rather than Espana in Spanish, which would change the pronunciation of the word. Cono is the Spanish word for cone. A “cono de helado” is what you would order if you wished to order an ice cream cone. Seems simple, no?

As I spent time in Spain, I was surprised about the way they use profanity, dirty words and strong expletives as a part of every day language.  One of the words the Spainards use often is “coño”.  This word can be used to strongly express something almost similar to the F-word in English.  You can use it many ways in combinations with other words or by itself to express something strongly.  The literal translation of the word means something different which I will share in a minute.  Just remember, getting the language wrong even just a little changes things dramatically.  In this case it would have changed what I was about to eat.

I enter the McDonald’s, approach the counter, and greet a very attractive Spanish woman about my age.  She asks me what I wanted and I ordered up a “coño de helado”.

I knew I was in trouble as soon as I said those words. Other customers began to stare at this large, tall, blonde-haired foreigner who was already out of place in their culture as my cheeks got red, I began to perspire, and I felt uncomfortable. The woman who took my order also became very embarrassed and reddened before grinning at me. I had never seen a smile like this one before; it wasn’t even a smile of happiness.

The literal translation for “coño” is vagina.  I just asked her for an ice cream vagina.  Small error in the language.  Very different snack on a hot day.

She responded with “that is going to cost you more than 50 cents……………..” followed by “for here or to go”.

The restaurant burst in to laughter.  She then handed me an ice cream cone and I ran out of there as fast as I could.

Why share this?  Because in life, love, leadership and business, we are all wired to behave, act, and respond to situations differently.  I call this the language of human behavior.  We are all humans, we all may speak the same language (such as English, Spanish, etc.) yet doing so we all behave differently.

Getting the language wrong can have grave consequences.  In this case, the young woman serving ice cream understood my language and made a correction.  But what if she hadn’t?  I could have been punched, slapped, or maybe went on a date! If you were wondering, there was no date and I only ate ice cream that day.  **disclaimer: my wife Emily is 100% okay that I share this story

Keep in mind that, while you lead teams, collaborate with others, and work toward a similar objective, we are all hardwired to act slightly differently and place certain values on various factors. It’s just the way it is; nothing about it is right or bad. It is possible to bring everyone together for the sake of the shared aim and purpose by understanding the language you speak and conduct with as well as that of those around you. The teams I lead have gotten more productive as I’ve gotten better at this.

Here is a video where I explain more about this topic and the ice cream cone story.

Here is a phenomenal resource to find out the language you speak.  Feel free to use these two assessments FREE here to take a DISC and Values Assessment to see how you and others you do life with behave.